I need to stop coming to work sober
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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