she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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