new low.... made out with someone while peeing
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
