call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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