she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
