Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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