i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i need some magic done to my vagina
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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