he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
