The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
