If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
