if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
