oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
