kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
