chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
