she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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