I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
tell me about the eggs
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