We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
