A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
