Cold hands, warm shart.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
