is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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