i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
