yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
