So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
