ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My pussy is not your playground.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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