That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
