I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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