Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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