at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
