she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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