I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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