Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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