This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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