Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
