I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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