rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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