3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
