Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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