can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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