1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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