i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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