I heard we made out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
