Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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