We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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