Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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