Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
