So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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