god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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