Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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