its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
