what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
