spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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