I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
