It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i think my cat just said my name.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
