You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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