I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
