I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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