bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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