Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
