Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
