How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
