Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
