i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
