I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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