HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
