Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
