I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
