She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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